Anger management 101

In the gloomy days of the demanding journey called Parenting, I am sometimes despaired that I am never a good enough mom for my children. Try as hard as I like, sometimes temper still flares, sometimes I still instinctively (intuitively?) fall back to the old parenting methods I vow never to use with my own offspring. Regrets soon follow..

But I'm pleased to announce that today is not the day.

My almost-4-year-old son, Z, had a major meltdown today. It was sparked by a seemingly small incident. Our maid washed his bowl instead of refilling it due to a miscommunication. He was so angry that he screamed, wailed and wanted to "sell off Aunty", "cut her into pieces and flush her away", "punish her", "let her sit on a chair in a corner" (his play school practiced time out) @.@

I made a mistake of trying to cool him down and explaining on the maid's behalf even though I should have empathised with him. He wouldn't yield of course. The tantrum went on for 20 minutes until husband came home for lunch. He too tried to calm him down but Z was blinded by his rage. He was wronged! How could Aunty commit such atrocity!

Husband took him to a quiet corner (we call it The Manners Room), helped him to identify his emotion and release his anger.

Husband drew the angry face for him. Z was told that he could draw similar pictures when he is angry next time. They sat together for a while and then Z came to look for me.

"I am angry, Mama."

"You are angry." I echoed emphatically. I held him and sat him on my lap. Slowly, his sob subsided.

He showed the picture to the maid and they reconciled. Z was back to his normal self after that.

I'm proud that we handled it well despite some hiccups in the beginning. Instead of suppressing his emotions ("Don't cry. Stop it! There's nothing to cry about." or "Cry some more and I will throw you out!") like how we as children were often treated, we tried our best to accept his emotions. It is not easy as I still get impatient at times. Then, he is helped to identify the emotions and taught ways to handle the emotions. Hopefully, he'll turn out to have better EQ than me!

Cardboard oven

As much as I do not want to admit, it is difficult to live without a maid.

Our trusted and loyal maid completed her contract and went home. We were thus thrust into chaos. With two young children (where one is near constantly attached to the hip), I tried to keep up to the demands of a family life with two children under 4 years old. But alas, I fell sick soon, and infected the kids. We were sick for almost a week. My son, Z, had fever for about 5 days. We were worried as he was never this sick before.

But things are looking up again! We beat the sick bugs. The kids are singing, jumping, shouting and bullying each other again. Life is good.

We managed to do a simple craft a few days ago. Instead of buying one for hundreds of ringgit, this oven can be made with under 10 ringgit, in under 30 minutes. All I used was: cardboard, UHU glue, black paper, bottle and jar caps.

From another angle:

There are four burners and an oven beneath. The little chef can cook his favorite noodles while roasting chicken.

Mmm, let me adjust the fire. Let's not burn the noodles.

Seems like the chicken is ready too. Dinner's ready, everyone!

Z had a lot of fun playing with the cardboard oven and it didn't cost me a lot of money (a few cents maybe?). He is now requesting me to make him a refrigerator to store his food. Fridge coming soon!

Your hands in mine

Oh give me patience when wee hands
Tug at me with their small demands.
And give me gentle and smiling eyes.
Keep my lips from hasty replies.
And let not weariness, confusion, or noise
Obscure my vision of life's fleeting joys.
So when, in years to come
my house is still -
No bitter memories its room may fill.

~ Author unknown

Sun, sea and sand

My mother, sister and the two nephews flew here to spend a few days with us in conjunction with the little princess R's birthday. It was the first time for us to meet the youngest nephew, who is two months older than R. We were all looking forward to the visit.

On the other hand, I was quite anxious with THREE little boys in the house. I fear that the boys would bicker among themselves, worse still, I fear Z would cause them serious injury if either of them touched his toys! That, and also because my two nephews live in a place without natural beach, we planned a getaway at our local beach resort, to get away from the city and well, also the fighting over toys.


On a more serious note, I thought gifting an experience is even more valuable than a material gift, thus the beach came to my mind. I hope the trip was a good memory for the children.

The cousins had fun at the beach - digging holes and burying beach toys, not so much on building sand castle. We also blew bubbles and flew kite. I'm happy that Z, who loathed the sand in a previous visit, was not afraid to get his hands dirty this time.

R really got down and dirty.. in the playroom. She asked for "bear bear" repeatedly and went through almost all of the toys. The playroom was small but quite clean. We were the only ones there and the children were not afraid to claim their territory and make their presence known. Loud and clear.

Even the young-at-heart hubby had fun. Behold, the Spiderman!

We also played in the pool. All of us, except hubby, not able to swim, we foraged in the kids' pool. Despite fearful of water at first, Z and my oldest nephew took to it gradually and were ducks to water later.

We hope that the cousins will get to spend another vacation together soon. We already have it in mind to fly to the Lion City to visit them. This time, instead of going to the natural beach, let's go to man-made animal habitat - the zoo!

Flying a kite

I've never flown a kite before. There you have it.

I believe many city or suburban kids are like me. We are locked inside the house for fear of child kidnappers and many vice. To keep us occupied, our busy moms let the TV babysit us.

I watched way too much TV when I was a kid. It's funny that I hardly watch any TV now, considering it a complete waste of time. I also discourage my children from spending time before the idiot box. Instead, we make sure that they are surrounded by books, educational toys, art and craft materials, and many other healthy entertainment. Like kite.

I am adamant that my kids should learn to fly a kite. And play with sand. And blow bubbles. And learn swimming. Talking about projecting our childhood desires on our offspring. Sheesh.

So we bought a kite and flew it on a fine Sunday evening. I think I was more excited than anyone.

 After a few breathless dash around our housing estate, the kite was finally up.

I'm not sure if any of my children will remember this experience but I believe that they'll remember the feelings this experience created - fun, camaraderie, companionship. 

Toilet learning

Toilet training, toilet learning, potty training, potty learning.. and throw in elimination communication, we can safely say that children urination and defecation is a source of major stress for their parents. For the unmarried or children-less, I can understand your disgust for bird poo on your windscreen (especially the loose, diarrhea-y type), lizard poo on your dining table or dog poo in your back yard. I was just like you. I went to Niah Cave years ago and literally tiptoed the whole way because of layer upon layer upon layer of swiflet poos.

Now with two kids, let's just say that I walk sure-footed on bird poo (not dog poo yet though).

Ok, let the confession begins. My 3 years 8 months son is not yet fully toilet trained, or toilet learnt, if you like. He still wears diapers during bedtime. He just recently go without diapers in his afternoon naps but accidents still happen from time to time. And the most frustrating thing is, he only poops in diapers. He complies if we ask him to use the toilet for the big biz but "Cannot, nothing comes out", he cries.

I hardened my heart and refused to put diapers for him when he wanted to poo, hoping that the urge would make him defecate in the toilet. No luck,  he would just hold and be constipated until "explosion" (in diaper, at night, sigh) happened a few days later.

I'm at my wit's end. I don't know how other kids do it. Their parents must have some superpower or something. You guys are really awesome! Can you train my son?

(Photo credit: a fellow mom who has a fully-toilet-trained 2 year-old daughter. You rock!)

My feisty girl

I can hardly recall how Z was like when he was one year old. From the photos, at this age, he was walking, downing his favorite Ribena, smiling, shaking his derriere with music. I don't remember him being aggressive with other people. Or is it because it there was no other people around?

R at one is saying at least 10 single words. She responds by pointing to my questions, eg "Where is the owl?". She draws my attention to her objects of interest, "ball ball" (which includes ball and balloon), "bear bear", "dog" (while signing furiously lol).

Recently, she understands more of her brother's behaviour. When Z wants to share her book, she protests loudly, pulls the book away, pushes Z with her head and, to my horror, bites him! When big bro wants a hug from mommy, she will climb to my lap and pulls his hair while vocalising loudly. She will not stop until she reclaims what is hers.

I can imagine the sibling war that is fast approaching. And I totally tip my hat to my mom and other mothers of her generation who had four or more children back to back. I can understand your constant exhaustion and annoyance now.