Anger management 101

In the gloomy days of the demanding journey called Parenting, I am sometimes despaired that I am never a good enough mom for my children. Try as hard as I like, sometimes temper still flares, sometimes I still instinctively (intuitively?) fall back to the old parenting methods I vow never to use with my own offspring. Regrets soon follow..

But I'm pleased to announce that today is not the day.

My almost-4-year-old son, Z, had a major meltdown today. It was sparked by a seemingly small incident. Our maid washed his bowl instead of refilling it due to a miscommunication. He was so angry that he screamed, wailed and wanted to "sell off Aunty", "cut her into pieces and flush her away", "punish her", "let her sit on a chair in a corner" (his play school practiced time out) @.@

I made a mistake of trying to cool him down and explaining on the maid's behalf even though I should have empathised with him. He wouldn't yield of course. The tantrum went on for 20 minutes until husband came home for lunch. He too tried to calm him down but Z was blinded by his rage. He was wronged! How could Aunty commit such atrocity!

Husband took him to a quiet corner (we call it The Manners Room), helped him to identify his emotion and release his anger.

Husband drew the angry face for him. Z was told that he could draw similar pictures when he is angry next time. They sat together for a while and then Z came to look for me.

"I am angry, Mama."

"You are angry." I echoed emphatically. I held him and sat him on my lap. Slowly, his sob subsided.

He showed the picture to the maid and they reconciled. Z was back to his normal self after that.

I'm proud that we handled it well despite some hiccups in the beginning. Instead of suppressing his emotions ("Don't cry. Stop it! There's nothing to cry about." or "Cry some more and I will throw you out!") like how we as children were often treated, we tried our best to accept his emotions. It is not easy as I still get impatient at times. Then, he is helped to identify the emotions and taught ways to handle the emotions. Hopefully, he'll turn out to have better EQ than me!